The Real Secret of Change
A Practical Framework for Behavior Modification and Ethical Habit Formation
Dr. Najat Fradi
2025
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessings be upon our master Muhammad and his pure family
“O you who have believed, whoever among you turns back from his religion—Allah will bring forth [in place of them] a people He will love and who will love Him, who are humble toward the believers, powerful against the disbelievers; they strive in the cause of Allah and do not fear the blame of a critic. That is the favor of Allah; He bestows it upon whom He wills. And Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” (Quran 5:54)
Introduction
In our 40-day journey, we paused at the stages of daily self-monitoring and spiritual discipline. We spoke about the importance of self-purification, self-accountability, and internal awareness.
Today, we move a step deeper in this journey, to reach the highest level of piety (taqwa).
Let us ask ourselves:
- How do we turn this monitoring, self-accountability, and purification into consistent behavior?
- How do Islamic morals become part of our psychological makeup?
- How do we build ourselves from the inside—not out of fear of punishment, but out of love for Allah?
The answer begins with understanding:
What is the highest level of piety?
It is loving Allah—a divine love that grants spiritual energy, reshapes our motivations, influences our behavior, and nourishes our inner light.
Today, we present not just a sermon, but a practical method for every soul yearning for purification and seeking the ranks of Allah’s close servants.
Let’s ask:
- How do we plant the love of Allah in our hearts and the hearts of our children?
- How do we make that love a light that guides our behavior and produces enduring ethics?
We will draw upon:
- The Holy Qur’an
- The supplications of Ahlul Bayt (peace be upon them)
- The legacy of Karbala—the school of love and piety
To uncover how the true love of Allah builds the human being from within.
Axis 1: Divine Love as a Motivating Force for Behavior (A Psychological Analysis)
In behavioral psychology, there’s a core truth:
“Every behavior is motivated by something—even if unconsciously.”
This foundational rule is used in:
- Behavior Modification
- Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
- Behavioral Education for Children and Adults
🔸 Practical Examples from Behavioral Psychology
1. A Child Lying to His Mother
- Apparent behavior: “I didn’t break the cup.”
- Possible function of behavior: Fear of punishment.
- Behavioral solution: avoid harsh punishment to encourage honesty.
2. A Mother Giving Continuously Despite Exhaustion
- Behavior: She keeps giving without rest.
- Motivation: A sense of responsibility + love + spiritual satisfaction.
- Positive interpretation: This behavior is driven by a noble motive like closeness to Allah, which enhances performance despite fatigue.
In psychology, every behavior is driven by needs such as:
- Safety
- Love and belonging
- Esteem
- Self-actualization
✅ Educational Summary:
In parenting and education, before we judge behavior, we must ask:
“What is the function of behavior?”
Changing behavior starts by diagnosing and redirecting motivation.
“All behavior stems from an internal motive.”
🔎 Question: What were the motives behind the behaviors of Karbala’s heroes—men and women?
In Karbala, motivations were not carnal or selfish. They were:
- Spiritual motives born of divine love
- Built upon certainty, not fear or greed
Axis 2: Examples from Karbala
💠 Al-Hurr ibn Yazid Al-Riyahi: The Motivation of Repentance and Seeking Nearness to Allah
- Behavior: He left Ibn Ziyad’s army and joined Imam Hussain (peace be upon him) at a critical moment.
- Motivation: Deep love for Allah and His saints + remorse (the self-reproaching soul) + yearning for repentance + desire to support truth.
He said:
“I am choosing between Heaven and Hell, and by Allah, I will not choose anything over Heaven.”
🔁 Psychological-Behavioral Analysis:
When he changed his inner motivation, his outer behavior followed—he transformed from an opponent into a martyr on the side of righteousness.
What was his motivation at the beginning?
- Obedience to authority
- Fear of losing his military position and status
In psychology, this is called:
External Regulation:
Behavior motivated by avoidance of punishment or loss of social rewards.
🔁 What changed?
With exposure to Imam Hussain’s (a) ethics and the clarity of the situation, his inner awareness rose.
This shift is Intrinsic Motivation.
Acting based on internal values and personal conviction—not fear or desire.
He no longer acted out of fear or ambition.
🌟 Pivotal Moment:
“I am choosing between Heaven and Hell…”
He reached:
- The height of inner conflict
- Motivation changed: from fear of authority → to love of truth and longing for Allah
✅ This is the essence of Behavioral Transformation:
Change the thought → Change the motivation → Change the behavior
| Behavior | Motivation | Stage | |
| Blocked Imam Hussain’s path | Fear of authority, blind obedience, image preservation | Before transformation | |
| Reflection → hesitation → withdrawal from the army | Remorse, truth-awareness, admiration of Imam Hussain | Moment of awareness | |
| Joined Imam Hussain and was martyred | Love for Allah, repentance, passion to support the truth | After transformation |
Educational Lesson:
🔸 Change your motivation from external to internal from:
“how people see me” ❌ → to “how Allah sees me” ✅)
🔸 Link your motivation to love for Allah, live by values, not fear.
🔸 The result: Behavior changes naturally and consistently.
Axis 3: Practical Examples from Daily Life with Behavioral Analysis
📘 For mothers and educators:
✅ Golden Question in parenting:
Don’t just ask: “Why did you do that?”
Ask: “What motivated this behavior?”
Then ask: “Do you think this motivation is right?”
And listen with care.
Teach your children:
Good internal motivation leads to good behavior.
And the greatest internal motivator is the love of Allah.
Imam Ali (peace be upon him) says in Dua Kumayl:
“Even if You throw me into the fire, I will tell its inhabitants that I love You.”
What kind of love is this?
Not love for the blessing but love for the Giver of blessings.
Core behavioral principle:
“All human behavior stems from an inner motive—either conscious or hidden.”
And behavior doesn’t change until the motivation changes.
As the Qur’an says:
“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (13:11)
Example 1: Hijab
✅ Behavior: Committing to complete modest dress
- Weak motive (unstable): Social pressure or family monitoring
➡️ Collapses in new environments (e.g., travel or college)
- Strong motive (stable): Love of Allah, desire for His approval, spiritual dignity
✔️ This motive makes your daughter proud of her hijab.
🔁 Even in prisons, women clung to hijab out of love for Allah, not fear of people
🕊️ Example 2: Praying on time
✅ Behavior: Praying regularly and with focus
- Weak motive: Routine obligation or fear of sin
➡️ Leads to delay or quick, distracted prayers
- Strong motive: Love of Allah, longing for closeness, spiritual comfort
✔️ Prayer becomes a sacred meeting, not a burden
🔁 Imam Hussain (a) prayed under arrows on Ashura—not out of duty, but as a lover meeting the Beloved
Example 3: Patience in parenting
✅ Behavior: Controlling anger in moments of stress
- Weak motive: Worry about public image
❌ Crumbles under exhaustion or stress
- Strong motive: Love for Allah, sense of sacred responsibility, awareness of accountability
✨ Conclusion
In Karbala, true heroism wasn’t only with swords—it was in redirecting inner motives toward Allah.
In psychology:
If we want to change behavior, we must first transform the underlying motives.
There is no greater motive… than the love of Allah.
Strong motives are the only ones that endure against old habits and daily challenges.
“But those who believe are stronger in their love for Allah.” (Qur’an 2:165)
This love is the strongest inner motivator for ethical behavior, because it activates the conscience and makes morality arise from within—not from surveillance.
In the Prayer of the Lovers (Munjat al-Muḥibbīn) Imam Zain al-Abidin (peace be upon him) said:“O hope of the longing hearts, and ultimate goal of the lovers! I ask You for Your love, the love of those who love You, and the love of every deed that brings me nearer to You. Make You more beloved to me than anything else. And make my love for You a guide that leads me to Your pleasure…”
📚 Sources
- The Holy Qur’an
- Nahj al-Balagha – Imam Ali (a)
- Al-Sahifa al-Sajjadiyya
- Mafatih al-Jinan
- Maqtal al-Hussain – Sheikh Abdul Razzaq al-Muqarram
- Imam Hussain and the Hussaini Uprising – Sayyid Abdul Zahra al-Khatib
- Al-Irshad – Sheikh Al-Mufid
- Positive Psychology – Martin Seligman
- About Behaviorism – B.F. Skinner
- Educational Psychology – Anita Woolfolk
- The Power of Habit – Charles Duhigg
- Self-Directed Behavior – Watson & Tharp
- Moral Self-Regulation Theory – Albert Bandura
- Applied Behavior Analysis – Cooper, Heron & Heward
- Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
- Carl Rogers – Humanistic Psychology
- Albert Bandura – Social Learning Theory
